1. Hail to Helium Everyone is doing it Just give it a try (okay) You know you can trust me I would never lie (I trust you) Do you wanna sound like Alvin? How bout Simon or Theodore? (hell yea) Once you take that first rip It’ll be Chipmunks galore (let's get high) Without it… There is no sun Without it…. There is no fun Hail to Helium! Hail to Helium! V2 First you'll take a big rip Then you'll hold it in *loud inward breath* Just wait a second And let the fun begin (it's cumming) You feelin’ light headed? That's the lack of oxygen (O2!) Say something funny! And see the room fill with grins! (poopy pants) Without it… There is no sun Without it…. There is no fun Hail to Helium! Hail to Helium! The most noble of gases Laughing off your asses The most noble of gases With the lowest boiling point! Of all elements! It will make you riiiiise (higher and higher!) Your voice in disguise No viscosity No flow Now you knooooooowwww Hail to Helium Hail to Helium V3 Get some at the carnival Or a birthday party (happy birthday!) If you take it straight from the tank You ain't a smarty (duhhhh) This stuff will rise you above This stuff will make you fun!! (giggles) This stuff will extend your life Until your life is done (funeral!) Without it….there is no sun Without it….there is no fun Hail the Helium! // 2. Evolution Created God If it all started with Adam and Eve Then, who fucked their kids? My forehead is so wet And not because of sweat Jesus came inside of me Sin all ways with no regret No! Fuck the church! Save your money and buy our merch Cash! Or venmo please Way better than being on your knees Don’t you dare complain when the priest brings the pain Just go on livin’ and they say you’ll be forgiven Because evolution created god Evolution created god Verse of silence for quiet reflection Religion does more harm than good So go and suck each other’s wood Books of lies glued to your eyes I worship only between the thighs No! Fuck the church! Save your money and buy our merch Cash! Or venmo please Way better than being on your knees Don’t you dare complain when the priests bring the pain Just go on livin’ and they say you’ll be forgiven Because evolution created god Evolution created god // 3. Bottom of an Endless Pit I woke up naked in a dark, filthy room Although it was smelly, there was plenty of womb I scrambled for my phone when I heard my ringtone The screen lit up and I remembered that bone I thought my dick would fit But I got sucked into the pit Her pussy was so wide She could hold the Kentucky Derby inside Chorus We're at the bottom of an endless pit I've hiked 40 years to find her clit We're at the bottom of an endless pit Forced to lick forever And she's smelly Like yeast Who created this magical beast? She told me she was 50, but I had just turned 4 She said, "Good enough, cuz I'm a giant whore" I fell down the hole, awaiting my fate The guard said son "You'll lick til your 88" I plan my great escape Through the butthole gate Butt ass it turns out…. That plan was filled with shit We're at the bottom of an endless pit I've hiked 40 days to find her clit We're at the bottom of an endless pit Forced to lick forever I accept my pleasuring fate I'll lick til I'm 88 When you get used to the taste A 4 year old will tell ya "It's even better than paste" We're at the bottom of an endless pit I've hiked 40 days to find her clit We're at the bottom of an endless pit Forced to lick forever // 4. Kickin' ASS Kickin’ ass Kickin’ ass inside Kickin’ ass on grass Doing some ass kicking? Nah I’d rather just kick ass Kickin’ ass kicks ass And fate chose me Born to kick ass Until the end of history (5-6-7-8, OOH!) Nothin kicks ass like kickin’ ass I scare myself I kick so much ass (OOH!) Nothin kicks ass like kickin’ ass I scare myself I kick so much ass In France, kicking ass! In your pants, kicking ass! My foot in my boot Then my boot in all ass Knock knock who’s there? It’s me kickin’ ass Me kickin’ ass who? It’s me kickin’ ass kickin’ ass (OOH!) Nothin kicks ass like kickin’ ass I scare myself I kick so much ass (OOH!) Nothin kicks ass like kickin’ ass I scare myself I kick so much ass Kickin’ ass up high Kickin’ ass down low I said I kick ass On my kickin’ ass show Will it ever end? Will it ever pass? Not for me, I rule So I’ll keep kickin’ assssssss (OOH!) Nothin kicks ass like kickin’ ass I scare myself I kick so much ass (OOH!) Nothin kicks ass like kickin’ ass I scare myself I kick so much ass Nothin kicks ass like kickin’ ass We scare ourselves, we kick so much ass Nothin kicks ass like kickin’ ass We scare ourselves, We kick so much We kick so much We kick so much Asssssss! ASSSSSS! // Cute little puppies Teeny tiny ruff ruff Itty bitty kitties I just can’t get enough Movies rated G And merry go rounds Yummy cotton candy I could eat 20 pounds Unicorn rainbow smiles And frolicking in the sun Our hearts are filled with joy And our lives are filled with fun (Warm) and fuzzy (Soft) and chewy Happy sunny lovely I’m feeling ooey gooey! (x2) Crazy wazy joy And big ol bear hugs Icy rootbeer floats In overflowing mugs Soft, cuddly, and warm Silky smooth and yummy Goody goody gumdrops Fillin’ up my tummy (Warm) and fuzzy (Soft) and chewy Happy sunny lovely I’m feeling ooey gooey! (x2)

6. God is Gonna Kill Us All And God said, let there be Pedophiles and disease Genital warts and meaty fleas Canker sores and wet ass cheese Thanks god for the goodies! For big bombs, but also hoodies Thanks god for viagra Now I’m cumming like Niagra Explosive diarrhea and drippy gonorrhea We’re all gonna fall Push your mind through the wall God is gonna kill us all And God said let there be Wild beastiality Lions, tigers, bears oh my Vaginal discharge in your eye Listen close and you’ll see God hates you and God hates me These books are just the word of man So go live your life while you can The more I think The more I see Fear-based insanity Push your mind through the wall God is gonna kill us all // 7. I'll Run Out of Laughs When You Run Out of Stupid I'm sitting on flat earth Refusing all vaccines I'll laugh my life away ‘Til I have rabies in my spleen I’ll run out of laughs when you run out of stupid Won't signal any turns Siri, which way to the burn? Why these bums flashing their brights? Don't they know my tesla is tight? I’ll run out of laughs when you run out of stupid Only two things are infinite The universe and human stupidity But I’m not so sure About the universe I’ll run out of laughs when you run out of stupid // 8. Alone The neverending aches Can’t even reach the door How long will it last? I can’t take it anymore Nobody knows my pain Never perceived before My stomach turning inside out Wendy’s bags on the floor I’m sweating I’m cramping and I’m all alone It seems it will never end Won’t even say goodbye to friends Will this be my demise? I hope hell has those chilli fries Nobody knows my pain Never perceived before My stomach turning inside out Del Taco bags on the floor I’m sweating I’m cramping and I’m all alone This agony is hell What the fuck is that smell? Chili, tendies, taco bell This magic fart broke the spell I'm not suicidal now all because I have farted Humanity's united now all because I have farted … All because, I faaarted // 9. I Don't Believe in the Devil 16 items in a 15 line Speed limit in the left lane, just taking my time Keep you on the phone until your dinner gets cold Put you in a nursing home before you get old I’m pretty evil I’m disgusting I’m fucking gorgeous The devil loves me I don’t believe in the devil But the devil believes in me Leave no TP in the roll Take a massive shit and leave it in the bowl Scratchin’ up my nuts, then shaking your hand Make you buy a ticket to see our stupid band I’m pretty evil I’m disgusting I’m fucking gorgeous The devil loves me I don’t believe in the devil But the devil believes in me 665.9 with a little line Throwing roundhouse kicks up in the mosh pit Talking in your face with breath that smells like shit I’ll drink half your last beer, then throw the rest away And come back and do it the very next day I’m pretty evil I’m disgusting I’m fucking gorgeous The devil loves me // 10. You're Standing on my Penis I’ve got a problem It’s difficult to discuss Most people shun me Or storm off in a huff Ever since my birth A blessing or a curse Forced to walk the earth With 17 feet of girth (oh my god) Woe, woe is me One more “Excuse me…” It’s just that you see That you are standing…. You’re standing on my penis You’re standing on my penis You’re standing on my penis You are standing (on my foreskin) You are standing (my nutsack too) I’ve wrapped him around my waist Coiled him around my leg Thrown him over my shoulder Had a wagon, but I sold her Whenever I get aroused NASA makes me some calls Disaster relief to the city where it falls (Timber!) Woe, woe is me One more “Excuse me…” It’s just that you see That you are standing…. You’re standing on my penis You’re standing on my penis You’re standing on my penis You are standing (on my foreskin) You are standing (my fiveskin too) You’re standing on my penis You’re standing on my penis You’re standing on my penis You are standing (on my sixskin) You are standing (do I hear seven?!) Standing on my Standing on my Standing on my Standing on my Standing on my penis!